"I...I really think this sounds like a very, very bad idea. Why don't we all j-ju-just discuss economics or something?" Marrow raised his left cheek and furrowed his brow in somewhat bewildered but vague disapproval.
"You're too sober for your own good, eh?" said Duncan, pouring himself a double shot.
Marrow turned his tongue over and looked back towards Lawrence, hoping for an ally. "You don't approve of this, do you?"
"Oh, no no no, I think it's an excellent idea, Mr. Pictures-of-Tonsils at four in the morning," said Lawrence, with a casually vindictive tone.
"Gabriel?" asked the blonde man, rather desperately.
Gabriel gave a pleasantly indifferent shrug.
Marrow snorted in false bitterness. "All right, all right, if that's how you're all going to be, then I suppose I'll play, too. But I get to go first."
Idaho leaned back in his chair, possessing the magical ability to tilt until he was about to fall, then balance perfectly on two legs. "I think Barrow should be invited. I wouldn't want him to feel left out."
Marrow shot him a look. "He's *fine*, thanks. No offense, but the last thing he ever wants is social interaction." Besides, it had been hard enough to convince Lawrence and Gabriel to attend Duncan's little party without that complication rearing its head.
"Eh, forget about it," said Duncan, the official peacemaker of minute conflicts. "You want to go first, Freak, do it."
Marrow's palm was pressed against his cheek, fingers turned inward. "Ah..." he said, voice catching against itself several times, like sandpaper against itself. "Let's...let's...see...I haven't ever-"
"I thought it was 'I've never'," said Lawrence, still feeling vindictive.
"Damn semantics. All right, I've never," the pale operator dragged the two words out, "um...well...ah...I've never liked mustard."
The collective thwapping sound as every person in the room - Gabriel excluded - smacked himself in the forehead was impressively well-coordinated for an unplanned event.
"Marrow!" yelped Duncan, "It's supposed to be something interesting!"
"Well...well...I don't."
"Don't what?" asked Idaho.
"Like mustard." Marrow was fairly certain he had never heard anyone sigh as loudly as Duncan did while simultaneously taking a sip of vodka.
"My turn," said Idaho, also taking a conservative sip. "Incidentally, mustard is an excellent substance, especially in barbecues." He paused, "I've never...stolen fewer than fifty cents by threat of a weapon."
Duncan folded his arms, play-pouting. "That's not fair. I was drunk."
"You held up a convenience store for seven cents!"
"Stupid pimply teenager wouldn't cut me some stupid slack when I was only seven stupid cents stupid short stupid..." Duncan degenerated into indistinct muttering and took another sip. "Lawrence, share some of your ineffable wisdom of non-experience with us."
"Let's see...I've never cross-dressed."
Marrow tried to take a sip as secretly as possible.
Duncan gave a few incredulous blinks. "You? The insatiably boring one? A cross-dresser?"
"It was...for...a p-p-play...and Idaho drank, too."
"Yes, but it wasn't for sexual enjoyment. It was for plain old, regular enjoyment."
"Mine wasn't for sexual-"
"My turn!" cried out Duncan, gleefully cutting off a reddened Marrow. "I've never had sex with someone with whom I share genetic material."
Marrow, Lawrence, and Gabriel all drank, only the former looking abashed, but he recovered quickly. "You're a virgin, then."
"What?"
"Everyone shares some genetic material. Just a fact of biochemistry."
Duncan hated being thwarted. "Bite me. And I'm not a virgin. Really. I just thought I'd clarify that. I don't know genetics. That doesn't make me a virgin. Really."
Marrow couldn't restrain a snicker, then - mercifully - changed notes. "Gabriel, would you like a turn?"
Gabriel shrugged, looked at Lawrence, thought for a moment, then pulled his doppelganger's hand to his mouth.
"Gabriel says, 'I've never played Quake for twelve hours straight.' I can't say the same."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Several Hours Later * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"So then," slurred Marrow, "he sez, 'You wanna fight?' and I sez, 'I just wanna buy my flippin shower curtains in peace' so he sez, 'You wanna fight?' and I sez-"
"I have never seen Marrow drink himself to unconsciousness before," said Duncan, with a gesture that clearly said, 'I'm not moving him.'
"We never should have gotten on the topic of theater." Idaho sighed a bit dramatically, not being entirely sober himself.
"But I really wanted to know more about this whole cross dressing thing. It's a new side of him."
"You just wanted to get him plastered."
"Yes. God, yes."